Abhishek Bachchan's cameo in the most awaited movie
of the year
July 12
2007
Abhishek Bachchan is
reported to have a small cameo in Ram Gopal Varma's soon to be released
Sholay, the remake of the classic. As anyone with the ability to
multiply two single-digit numbers knows, Amitabh Bachchan will be
playing the role of Gabber Singh. Abhishek's cameo, meanwhile will be
coherent with Urmila's cameo, as they will both be seen in the song
Mehbooba Mehbooba. Apparently, Abhi will play the role which was
originally played by Agha Jalal, the person who woos and sings for Helen
in the original. This is interesting and all, but wouldn't someone like Tabu or perhaps Rani Mukherjee fit into Abhishek's role much better?
When you think of someone who could fit into this voice, you do think of
these two. I could swear they sound as if they're talking into a sheesha
pipe or something.
Mahabaarat a 6-hour affair
July 10
2007
According
to the director/living joke Raj Kumar Santoshi, the Aamir Khan,
Shahrukh
Khan and God knows what starrer Mahabharat will now be a 6 hour
mega-film, divided into two parts. The second part will be screened one
week after the first part is released. The production budget of this
mega project is 100 crore rupees, by far the most ever for a Bollywood film.
The film will be based around the Mahabarat, on which the legendary
television show was was also based (made by the same group if you haven't
guessed). Oh man, I can't wait for this one. I'll tell you what'll
happen: the movie will do a fair amount of business,
perhaps 120 crore at the box office. The producers behind it will be
ecstatic, until one of them stands up and says, "O shit, guys this film
took us 125 crore to make." Ah, that'd be something.
Jhoom Barabar Flop
July 09
2007
YRJ
Films has been hit with a thumbnail coated wooden plank. The 'much
awaited' Jhoom Barabar Jhoom has bombed at the box office pretty similar
to Adnan Sami in the toilet. Although the sound track has been a huge
success, it seems the only people who went to watch the movie were the
cast and the samosa guy who works at Yamraj theatre, Chandrinagar..
A YRJ spokesperson has said that a soon to be released movie has been
delayed (the promos have also been removed),
and future productions have also been held back. 'We are going to take
things very cautiously. This has been a big blow and we don't want
another one.' Fools, when you play bad politics with the two Aandhi
favorities, Kareena and Rahman, this is precisely what happens.
Shoaib Akhtar through the years
July 08
2007
Ah the life and times of
Shoaib Akhtar. Here's what we've been hearing over the years, oh the
irony...oh the irony....
"He's a good prospect for the future of Pakistan. He's
got pace...just needs to get his mind on the game. He's young, so he
still has a some time" - 1999
"He's got some experience under his belt now. What he
needs to do is put aside all the things which have happened of the field
and concentrate on the game. With Wasim and Waqar aging quickly, Shoaib
has to take responsibility. And he needs to forget about the throwing
allegations very quickly." 2001
"I think he's maturing into a good fast bowler. He's been a victim of
some injuries, but he's taken some sort of responsibility since Wasim
and Waqar retired after the World Cup. He should win Pakistan a lot of
matches in the future." 2003
"Shoaib is a frequent visitor to the surgeon's office. If he can get his
fitness back, he should be a force to reckon with." 2004
"Shoaib is world beater on his day, but the injuries have been holding
him down.", "He's also getting into trouble with the team management,
and they need to put that aside if they are to win some matches for
Pakistan" - 2005
"Shoaib looked like Pakistan's key this World Cup. But
unfortunately the drug tests have shown positive. His career may be well
over" - 2006
"A fully fit Shoaib Akhtar can help Pakistan rise into
the top bracket of teams after their recent World Cup demise. He's 32 so
I reckon he still has 2...3 good years in him." 2007
Well, I am no Sherlock Holmes but I have a gut feeling we know what's
happening in the next 2-3 years. Injuries, scandals...heck with the way his
career has been so far, you wouldn't be surprised if he shows up for a
test match day five wearing a Starplus Kumkum promotional hat, with a cigar in his mouth,
doing the Macarena after every delivery.
Deol family running like retards Sunny wig
July 06
2007
If
you ever wanna see what a 40 year old retard looks like, you can do one
of two things. Dress up in a orange sherwani, put on some lipstick, a
mustache and put a banana in your mouth...don't chew it, just keep it
still in between your lips. Now go look at the mirror. Now if this is
too time consuming, there's one more option: go watch Sunny Deol in Apne.
Heck, you'll get two extra retards for the price of one: Dharamji
and brother Bobby are also in it, looking as dandy as ever.
Just look at this picture. Tell me he's not looking like
someone who goes to the local shop, buys a 10 rupee Walls vanilla
cup...goes home, opens the shopping bag and finds a Hagaen Daz 2 litre
gift basket.
Moolah in Burqa
July 13
2007
Okay, this red mosque massacre or whatever it should be
called is getting on my nerves. It's been three decades and the
Pakistani army is still camping outside the mosque waiting for the tooth
fairy to come and drive the moolahs out of the mosque. Well, it ain't
happening. However, I'll tell you what did happen, this:
Reportedly, seconds after this picture was taken, this
guy put on his cape and shot up into the sky, pretty much like his
childhood idol Zakufta Kanzeer (Arabian Superman). The United States has
deployed a couple of their heat seeking missiles, but they aren't gonna
catch him now baby. He's too quick.*
*Update as of July 09, 2007: the bearded man in the picture above,
Maulana Abdul Ghazi was killed in the operations led by the Pakistan
Army at the red mosque on this date.
SPB Rocks with Balleillika
July 07
2007
A.R. Rahman's second noteworthy tamil movie soundtrack in the last four
years is out, with
the Rajnikant starrer Sivaji. Before I talk about the scintillating
singing of SP
Balasubramaniam in Rajnikanth's intro song "Balleillika", it would be
interesting to tell you that Rajni was reportedly paid 20 crore for this
film, the highest amount ever paid to indian actor. That's 10 more than
Aamir will be paid for Gajni, ladies and gentleman. Infact that's even
more than Bugs Bunny for his Looney Tunes cartoons. If this trend
continues, monkeys at the Bahawalpur Zoo will soon be asking for yearly
contracts based on their achievements 'in entertaining the lower classes
of the country'.
Anyways, on to SP Bala. Listening to the 60 year old in the song
"Balleillika" is a treat you have to listen to, even if you cant
understand the tamil language (which basically sounds like explicit
punjabi words being spoken very quickly). The 24 second non-stop
breathless vocal treats given by SPB near the beginning and the end are
the highlights of the song. It's almost as if AR Rahman injected him
with one of those syringes they use at the rodeo shows to get them bulls
going. And judging by the size of his girth and his impeccable voice
modulation, SPB is no less than any bull or buffalo. Since Balleillika
is copyrighted and stuff, here's another video of a idiot copying SPB's
voice and style in Kaadhal Rojave (Roja Janeman):
Neal & Nikki to Marry
July 06
2007
Udhay Chopra and Tanisha, the
onscreen couple of Neal N Nikki are becoming one in real life. It
reminds one of Shrek and the princess, only this princess looks like a
frog. Anyways, here's a picture of the couple. Just look at Udhay Chopra, man...this dude looks like Shah Rukh after 3 years of
taking "Mega Ass Blaster 5000" or some other supplement which makes you
hideously enormous and enormously hideous. Oh wait, the picture has been
removed by our built-in Maximum Ugliness Protocol.
The couple is tying the knot later this summer. I have a gut feeling I
wont be invited. But neither will any of you. Burp.
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YRJ
Films has been hit with a thumbnail coated wooden plank. The 'much
awaited' Jhoom Barabar Jhoom has bombed at the box office pretty similar
to Adnan Sami in the toilet. Although the sound track has been a huge
success, it seems the only people who went to watch the movie were the
cast and the samosa guy who works at Yamraj theatre, Chandrinagar..
